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The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

We watched a horror movie in theatre on Friday the 13th JUST FOR YOU.

A: I have been waiting for this movie for a few years.  As reported, it’s been in development hell for a while, but the minute I found out that Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard were making a horror movie, I was like “fuck yeah”. I was so, so down with this movie…until I saw it.

Guys, I’m not that into it.

It has a really great premise: people are manipulated into making bad life decision that result in predictable horror movie plots because we need to have ritual sacrifices to stop demons from taking over the world. I dig that. But that idea isn’t used to its full potential. I was left with too many questions. How do they decide who dies? Are people born to be sacrificed? How far are they manipulated into making these stupid decision? How much does the agency infiltrate them before they go to their deaths? Ritual sacrifices have been around for a while - why are they so secretive now? How did we trap the Ancient Ones in the first place?

To be honest, I could’ve looked over those issues if the movie was actually scary. It was fun and comedic, but there’s nothing really spooky that happens. And as much as I loved Buffy and Angel in high school, the show was like that too - funny and pop culturey, but it was never frightening (except for The Gentlemen. Fuck those guys.) And that’s kind of a big issue if you’re trying to subvert horror films. If it’s not scary, you’re not even playing the same game.

I like Drew Goddard, but I think his idea was kinda wasted here. Mad props for a solid idea, but thumbs down for the execution. If you’re trying to sell me on a scary movie that’s not scary than you’re lying to me. And I’m going to be kind of annoyed about it.

S: I didn’t really know about the production issues of this flick before I saw the preview and decided we must attend (we have been missing Spooky October, it’s true). Didn’t know the history, didn’t know the story, didn’t know the actors, didn’t give a fuck. Scary movie? Heck yes, I’m there, ready to pee my pants in the theatre.

I’m still confused about my feelings. Is it scary? Not really, but there are a few decent jump scares that make it a really fun movie. It was smart and funny for a long while, and then it’s like they just gave up and were struggling to find a way to end it.

I guess I’m just disappointed because I don’t know how the writers expected the audience to react. It stopped being funny, and became really obvious and explanatory.

I just…I have more to say about this flick but none of it is relevant. Let’s just say, prepare to have fanboys flocking to the theatres to hoot and holler about nothing in particular.

Would I watch this movie again? Probably. But only half of it, and none of it for Spooky October.

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